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Monday, December 22, 2014

List Week 2 rolls on!

Wonky Apocalypse Mechanisms that Would Disprove Long-Held Notions About God

1. Logs rapidly falling from clouds
2. Toxic opossum horde (must be eaten to be toxic)
3. Dynamite hot dogs
4. Ozone layer becomes pudding
5. Everyone morphs into Michael Landon, everyone dies a Landonesque death
6. Blood becomes Kool-Aid, Kool-Aid Man wrings everybody out into himself
7. Lists become deadly to behold
8. Every vehicle on the planet merges to become Devastator
9. Suffocating pies to the face surprise all people
10. Pissed-off raccoons
11. Malfunctioning chainsaws under every pillow

Saturday, December 20, 2014

List Week 2: The Second-Ditch Attempt

Because one person seemed a tad bit amused by the original List Week, we now present a new collection of lists in something resembling a 5-in-one-week arrangement. Remember, the enumeration makes the comedy go down easy, like jello cubes.

Alternate Names for Bigfoot, as Used by Various Organizations

1. The Shaggy Rustler (Cattlemen’s Association)
2. Primitive Pete (Civil War Re-Enactors of America)
3. Undocumented Sumbitch (The NRA)
4. Ol’ Jack Dingleberry (AARP)
5. Sasquatch American (The Census Bureau)
6. The Eternal Fall-risk (OSHA)
7. That Blasted Skunk Ape (Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints)
8. The Hirsute Galoot (International Association of Youth Hypnotists)
9. Shy Primate Hazard (PGA)
10. El Gringo Grande (Chupacabras de Estados Mexicanos)
11. Adolph Murderbear (Boy Scouts of America)
12. The Homeliest English (Amish folk)
13. The Lord, Our Savior (Church of the Holy Sasquatch)
14. “Some guy” (Planned Parenthood)
15. Deep Woods Buddy (National Association for Pet Loss and Bereavement)

coming soon...
The Only Pedigreed Cat Names Ever Rejected by the Cat Fanciers Association!