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Thursday, February 26, 2009

Funny Sufferings

While searching websites to diagnose my sore throat and swollen lymph node, I found a guy's postings that built up to a funny climax, where he was fed up with the medical world's failure to cure him... so fed up that basic punctuation and syntax were dissolving--or maybe that's one of his symptoms:

that sounds hell similar to the shit i've got like almost exactly the same. Do the doctors still say to you that it just must be a viral infection? cause thats what they tell me but im like bullshit a viral infection don't last this long & im takin hella vitamins & eating right & all that shit aswell. We gotta try get better dog we can't let this shit consume our lives. Lifes way to short to be sick!

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Red Rogue Choose-Your-Own-Adventure On the Drawing Board

Featuring gags, gagging, time travel, savage beatings, sophisticated social drama engendering the themes of Henry James, and the behavioral dangers of a childless existence, this Red Rogue epic will plaster your balls to your face if you ever happen to read it, and if I ever happen to finish it.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Black Clouds of Standard Expectation

When a headache goes too far,
the cuttlefish of emotion pulsates
into radioactive splendor, dismantling
your basic sea-monkey worldview.
Bolster your pissant log-flume crew,
lift your saggy belly-dough to the skies
and butter your ass with applesauce
because the going around just came
around. The cat's pajamas been
riding up hard. The corn-cob game.
Nodules upon nodules. Nubbin time.
Beat your meat to goddamn ribbons
in the name of Palin Babies by the ton,
by the goddamn cubic mile, Pigtwat.

I'm talking to you, Rush Limbaugh.
Actually, I'm talking to myself,
but silently, not bugshit loudly
like the dude at the post office
who kept doing verbal mathematics
four feet away while I was trying to
weigh some shit on a robo-scale.
What an embarrassing citizen.