Obama to Model 2nd Term on Cormac McCarthy's "The Road"

Once we weed out those wheezing geriatrics and take their Medicare dollars for spry young commies, that's when the real fun begins. Jobless Mexican welfare cheats and black cannibals will be given priority at the Social Security administration, and of course Islam will be mandatory, except of course for the atheists who are pulling the real strings. Toothpaste will be in short supply, available only to the elites in academia. The dental suffering alone will be mind-boggling. All the voices of dissent that once rang free on our airwaves, from Vincent David Jericho to the great Michael Savage, will be long silenced and entombed, crushed for their disgusting honesty, unable to fight the onslaught of the trial lawyers because they never made enough money to protect themselves. Health care? HA! Internment camps for those Jesus-loving capitalist swine. Our great leader rewards only his mindless minions with emergency room privileges. Also, horses and anyone caught wearing cowboy hats will be sent to Mexico to be tortured with long knives and cooked over piles of burning copies of Sarah Palin's book. Get ready to eat stewed abortions with your new same-sex spouse, which you'll be whipped for eating because you're supposed to be vegan now, queer.

How, you may ask, can Obama achieve all this occult upheaval in his first term and expect to be re-elected? Clever verbal tricks such as complete sentences, Harlem-Globetrotter-like sleight of hand, and of course The Power of Oprah. Also, American-flag diapers.

Tune in to my radio show on KWTO am, where I'll tell you how to cure cancer with emu oil and get you stocking up on Christmas trees and Bibles, because next year they're all being replaced with 100-gallon Piss-Christ displays and Korans as thick as OEDs.